Yesterday, I wrote about my pet peeves with refs of all sports (it wasn’t an exhaustive list, so you might want to add the ones I’ve missed).   Today, in the efforts to be fair and balanced (wait a second, do I even care about that?), here is the exhaustive list of what I do like about those who bring order to the games I love.

THE ELONGATED STRIKE CALL

I love it when the umpire comes out of his crouch and gives a holler and holds the “STEEEEEEEEE-RIKE.”  It often catches me off guard as the monotony of a baseball game can battle with my ADHD.  The game is crawling along at a snails pace and to pass the time I am keeping track of how many times a player spits verses how many times a player adjusts the “cup”.   Then, all of a sudden, the umpire adds flare to the game by giving the elongated strike call.  I have decided that my thesis will be on whether the length of the call is proportionate to the amount of strikes or to the speed of the pitch.

OVER EMPHASIZING THE BLOCK/CHARGE CALL

It is a proven fact that the NBA referees have one of the greatest jobs in the world.  Not only do they get the greatest “seats” in the house, but they also get paid to watch basketball, the best game ever.   The most controversial call in basketball is the block/charge call because it often comes down to the discretion of the official. When the ref blows the whistle, steps to the side and yells, “NO, NO, NO!” the anticipation is palpable.  On the heels of the refs declaration comes the emphatic hip thrust accompanied with his hands motioning vigorously toward his hips to signify a blocking violation. 

If it is a charge, the ref begins running down the court a few steps with his hand behind his head until he can forcefully signal the ball is about to change possessions.  In case that wasn’t clear, he gives a resounding shout, “We are going the other way!”  Needless to say, refs live for the block/charge call because there is always someone upset at the call.

And don’t even get me started on the “Count the basket!” call.

INTERACTING WITH THE MASCOT OR THE DANCE TEAM

There is nothing better than seeing the mascot mess with the ref.  The eye charts, the kicking of dirt, the blind gig are all classic mascot fun.  However, there is something great when the ref returns the favor with a sense of humor and plays up the entertainment value on the floor.  When he dances with the mascot in a way that you imagine your grandparents did when they were younger (wait, that is creepy), makes the ref a more lovable character and makes many fans more accepting of their flawed calls. 

It is great when you catch the refs eyeing the dance team as they shake it during a timeout.  You know that three seconds before you glanced at the ref to see what he was doing, you were starring at the dance team also. 

In these moments, you realize that ref and fan are basically alike; they like to see a funny mascot do stupid things, a hot girl dance provocatively in front of them, and have great seats to any sporting event.

RUN ‘EM OVER

I love it in NFL games when the offensive teams calls a run play up the middle and it inevitably leads to four humongous fully-padded football players converge on a short overweight middle-aged man in white stretchy pants.  That is just great programming to see the ref take the beating and get back up.  I always think what it will be like in the morning for the official.  Are they too sore to move?

Originally, I thought I had a sick twisted mind that enjoyed seeing the ref be pummeled during the play, but I didn’t realized how demented it was until I saw how excited I got to see an official get blasted by a pass.  There is nothing better than seeing that same middle-aged pudgy man unsuccessfully dodge a bullet from Peyton Manning, and then get yelled at by Manning for not moving out of the way fast enough.  I wonder how the ref responds to the complaint, because after all, the ref is generally just standing there and it is the quarterbacks who are ignoring the ref’s existence. 

However, this makes me give more kudos to former President George Walker Bush and his catlike quickness to dodge the shoes.  That reporter was no Manning, but Bush showed me something on that day.

LETTING HOCKEY PLAYERS FIGHT

I love to see hockey fights where the refs just skate around in a circle and yell out, “UPPERCUT, JAB, JAB, WORK THE BODY!” as the combatants square off.  They get as close as they can to see a good fight, and they don’t even try to break it up.  They give the fans what they want and went to the hockey game to see…a fight. 

It would be great to hire these hockey refs to police the playgrounds at an elementary school.  I can see it now:  Little Johnny blasts Kevin in the face with the red rubber ball as he rounds third during the lunchtime kickball game.  Kevin takes exception to the blatant throw to the head and goes after Little Johnny; and the fight ensues.  The playground-monitors-by-day and hockey-refs-by-night, surround the dust up and let the two settle with their fists.

I would have to think that schools would be better and kids would be tougher, if we had hockey refs as playground monitors.

Part 1 – Previous Article:

I Hate Everything About You – The Refs (Part 1)

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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team.Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism. J.David has been on the giving end and receiving end of technical fouls, so he is no stranger to bad officiating.

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