Dwayne Wade was informed by the league that his designer Band-Aids were a major fashion faux pas.  The Band-Aids, which came in an assortment of different designs including the Miami Heat team logo, an American flag, D-Wade’s nickname and a unicorn (OK, there was no unicorn) were consequently banned for life.

Wade responded to the league by requesting that no one else elbows him in the face.  The league declined his request and New York Knicks, Danilo Gallinari, promptly elbowed Wade in the mouth.

The big beef with the personalized bandages is the NBA’s policy on not drawing individualistic attention to one’s own self (let’s call that the Rodman rule).  The league is also looking into LeBron’s chalk toss, the dunk shot, the chest bump and technical foul free throws (because of the solitary nature of the event).

Tim Frank, a NBA spokesman, said to the Sun Sentinel, “A player can wear a Band-Aid for healthcare purposes, but it shouldn’t have any name or identifications on it.”

The NBA nips this major issue in the bud before the Band-Aid Corporation could finish production on its initial line of NBA Players Association Band-Aids.  The following personalized bandages were set to roll off the assembly line just before the playoffs.  Each box had a team logo Band-Aid and one with a personalized player message as seen below.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas – (Cleveland Cavaliers) “If he throws that chalk up into my eyes one more time, I am going to punch him.”

Stephon Marbury – (Boston Celtics) “Get me the F*CK out of NYC!”

J.J. Redick – (Orlando Magic) “Remember when I was at Duke and good?”

Mike Bibby – (Atlanta Hawks) “I am so glad I am not playing for those hillbillies from Sacramento.”

Chris Quinn – (Miami Heat) “I wish this looked like a moustache.”

Rodney Stuckey – (Detroit Pistons) “I can’t wait till Iverson leaves!”

Elton Brand – (Philadelphia 76ers) “Dude, I totally screwed Baron Davis.  It was awesome!”

Charlie Villanueva – (Milwaukee Bucks) “I wish these looked like eyebrows.”

Jordan Farmar – (Los Angeles Lakers) “Do you think these could hide my ears?”

Matt Bonner – (San Antonio Spurs) “It’s BON-er, you jackass!”

J.R. Smith – (Denver Nuggets) “Under here lies another tattoo.”

Yao Ming – (Houston Rockets) “This is a Band-Aid to me, to everyone else it would be a knee pad.”

Antonio Daniels – (New Orleans Hornets) “Yes, I am pissed.  I sat behind Gilbert Arenas and now Chris Paul.”

Greg Oden – (Portland Trailblazers) “My face looks 50, but I have the knees of a 70-year-old.”

Kosta Koufos – (Utah Jazz) “What have I done to offend the gods? Ohio State then Utah!”

Josh Howard – (Dallas Mavericks) “Who gave me the American flag Band-Aid?  F*CK America and the flag!”

* * * * * *

For once, I totally agree with the NBA League office.  These are Band-Aids that no one needs to see.  However, there are unconfirmed reports that there could be a second batch in production, but we have not found any additional supporting evidence.

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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team. Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism. J.David points to the Bad Boys of the Pistons’ Dynasty as the birth of his love for NBA basketball, and the Bad Boys of the Pistons’ Dynasty as the death of genuine basketball.

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