For a basketball fan, does it get any better than the month of March? I love everything involved in March Madness, but the sick, twisted part of my demented mind really enjoys the agony televised during Selection Sunday. For me, the dejected look of teams left out of the Big Dance rivals the old Wide World of Sports clips depicting the “agony of defeat.” Out of need to join in the fun of bursting some bubbles, I expand my sights to include all sports and to tell you the truth. So, grab a blanket, a box of tissues, a warm cup of joe and prepare yourself for what is about to come. Because I hate to burst your bubble AGAIN, but …

(continued from “I hate to burst your bubble, but . . .“)

7.  Steroids will never be out of baseball.

Don’t be so naïve.  The league can have the most stringent drug testing policy, but cheats will always find ways to cheat and not get caught.  So, let’s stop the endless chatter about asterisks, who is and who isn’t, what records are clean and which are tainted and let the drug testing take affect and lull us into a false sense of security. 

8.  The Tampa Bay Rays were a flash in the pan.  They will not make it back to the playoffs.

With the lowest win total in the past five years, the Yankees allowed the Rays to have their day in the sun.  However, that day has passed.  The Red Sox will put together another 95 win season and the Yankees will rebound from their worst showing in the past eight years.  The American League East is a two pony show, and the Rays took advantage of the down years for the elite teams, but last year is now a vapor and the Rays are destined to revert back to playing before crowds of 12 fans. 

9.  The Yankees will win another championship before the Red Sox do, but Joe Torre will win one before either the Red Sox or Yankees.

OK, this might be my total hatred for the Red Sox organization (and its fans) and the need to see justice prevail against the Yankees disregard for one of the great coaches and individuals in MLB.  Then again, it might be because the Dodgers play in a weak division and their management is committed to doing whatever it takes to bring LA a championship (and the Angels are not LA no matter what they claim – that is like Cleveland changing their name to the Detroit Indians of Cleveland).

10. T.O. will not change anything in Buffalo, except how many ignorant fans sit freezing and bare-chested at a football game.

Whatever Kool-aid the Bills organization is giving its fan base doesn’t really matter, because T.O. doesn’t make the Bills a contender in a division with the Patriots, an improving Miami and a Jets team without the loose cannon named Favre (and kicking Mangini to the curb was a good move also).  The things T.O. does for the Bills are putting more fans in the seats (no doubt drunk and shirtless during a violent blizzard in Buffalo) and providing weekly soap opera episodes to ESPN.  The Bills win one more game this year going 8-8, missing the playoffs and ruining the potential and career of Trent Edwards.  Does the signing of Owens come complete with a team shrink because there will be serious need for counseling (you live in Buffalo and T.O. is your teammate – can anyone spell “P-O-S-T-A-L”?)

11. Tom Brady will get divorced before he retires from football.

I don’t even know why I have to burst anyone’s bubble on this, but I know there is some romantic out there that believes in true love, cupcakes and unicorns.  This marriage is an equation for disaster.  Pro-Athlete + Super Model = Disaster.  First of all … uh, it won’t work.  The End.

12.  The Celtics will not repeat as NBA Champions.

Evidently, my recent trip back to New England has stirred up my hatred for all things … well, New England.  The Red Soxs are cursed again (speaking of “red sox”, please tell me you know that Curt Schilling was totally faking that whole bloody sock farce),  Tom Brady is going to get dumped harder than when Bernard Pollard dumped him, and now I set my sights on those guys in green.  They will not repeat as champions because history proves it is easier to three-peat than repeat (yes, I said it).  However, there are two legit reasons why they Celts cannot repeat as champions:  1) Injuries – Paul Pierce’s fake injury is sure to be a lagging concern this year during the playoffs, 2) No “Parker” Posey – OK, it is James, but the fact remains that they don’t have a shut down defender that can come off the bench and hit a corner three during the most inopportune times.  Marbury. Defense? Ha!  House. Defense? Ha!  This will bite them in the ass sooner than later.

13.  LeBron will never leave Cleveland for any team, and he will never win a NBA Championship either.

For all you Knick fans and Nets fans, give it up.  The King will not abdicate his throne in Cleveland for the bright lights of New York City, and the organized crime of New Jersey.  When all is said and done, Bron will remain close to home like so many others from Ohiah and finish out his career as a Cavalier.  That being said, LeBron like Barkley, Ewing, Miller, and Maravich (I’m leaving Stockton and Malone off the list on purpose, because they annoy me) will go down in history as all-time greats who have never won a ring.  But don’t fret Cleveland, LeBron’s highlights will keep you from being inundated by endless reruns of Jordan dropping game winning shot after game winning shot over Ehlo (see below).

If you do not like what I had to say, then leave a comment and tell me how crazy I am.  You will probably babble on about living in a new day, spouting some rhetoric from President Barack Obama and his message of hope and his example of the possibilities, and claim that sports are all about the possibilities … but let me tell you that the “possibilities” do not include these truths.  Mark it down!

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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team.  Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism.  J.David is so demented, he once dedicated the Ugly Kid Joe’s song “I hate everything about you!” to a girl in college.

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