If you have read any of my articles you will quickly realize that either I am horrible at copyediting or my editor is a semi-retarded fourth grader.  However, today is different because I just finished my copy editing final (didn’t really make a difference in my copy editing skills … I guess I should have shown up to class sober a couple times!) and I am dedicating this article to my teacher who tried hard. 

Kevin Patra brought you the NBA Playoffs in two sentences, and I am willing to one-up him with a two sentence and a run-on of the first round of playoff action.  And yes, I had to look up what a “run-on” is.

Lakers v. Jazz

If I hear Reggie Miller refer to Kobe as “Black Mamba” one more time I am going to punch someone in the back of the head.  The Lakers flex their muscles and prove they are the team to beat as they dispose of the Jazz in the most convincing of unconvincing manners.  The Lakers bench is awfully good Jazz fans are awfully white.

Nuggets v. Hornets

The Nuggets in their three wins have won by an average of 34 points, while the sole Hornets victory was by two points.  Moral of the story:  Keep it close.  Chris Paul is still the best point guard in the game Denver and Detroit fans might just disagree.

Mavericks v. Spurs

Holy Shit! -I know that I shouldn’t waste half of my allotted sentences on a two-word expression but I can think of a better way to communicate the sheer shock of this Maverick victory.  San Antonio looked ever bit as old as their coach’s face as the under-achieving and not that good Mavs handled them.  The NBA was visibly shaken over the early exit of its Spurs Cuban reduces his t-shirts by one more size for round two.

Rockets v. Trail Blazers

With every stay of execution for the Blazers the Ghost of Rocket’s Past begins rearing its ugly head and eerily accusing with the most haunting of tones, “You can’t get out of the first round with or without T-Mac.”  Mutombo responds in confidence with a load of gobbledygook, but the young bucks of P-town are at their best with their backs are against the wall.  Portland will win just get to game seven.

Cavaliers v. Pistons

Just advance Cleveland to the Finals because they are in a different league then the rest of the Eastern Conference teams, and there is no one better than LeBron James (Yep, I said it!).  The only solace I find in the early exit of the Pistons is that I don’t have to watch my team continue to play half-hearted, uninspired and without passion or defensive motivation.  Sheed and AI you’re out Curry you have one more year to get your shit together.

Bulls v. Celtics

If there is an NBA God then this series has to go seven as it teeters on the verge of becoming an instant classic that makes all of Chicago and Beantown forget about the good old days of No. 23 and No. 33.  These teams are one player away from being in the upper echelon of the NBA although the Celtics have their one player sitting injured on their bench whereas the Bulls key to greatness might be in the releasing of Brad Miller.  Rajon Rondo is better than I ever imagined Derrick Rose is everything I imagined.

76ers v. Magic

Dwight Howard is mad and throwing bows at everyone from Haitian sensation Samuel Dalembert to Magic guard and teammate Courtney Lee.  Unfortunately, Howard missed elbowing Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis out of their series coma.  Andre Iguodala has a look of an angry dog Stan Van Gundy has the look of a classic Nintendo game character.

Heat v. Hawks

If the Heat have to rely on the three-point shooting of Dwayne Wade to advance them to the second round of the playoffs, they are in deep doo-doo.  The Hawks continue to utilize the game plan of letting Wade do everything while stifling his supporting *cough, cough* cast, and it is working to perfection.  Woodson looks like a good coach Spoelstra looks 12.        

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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team. Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism. J.David points to the Bad Boys of the Pistons’ Dynasty as the birth of his love for NBA basketball, and the Bad Boys of the Pistons’ Dynasty as the death of genuine basketball.

More from The Sports Union

• Observe and Report – NBA Playoffs Day 1
• NBA Playoff series in two sentences
• NBA Finals Preview