Matt Venuto is a weekly columnist at The Sports Union

Fresh off their seven game marathon with Chicago, which included a record seven overtime periods, the defending champion Boston Celtics have their hands full with the Orlando Magic, in what should be the final five to seven games of their 2008-2009 season.

Now, I have been wrong before (once or twice, maybe) but when the C’s title defense comes up short they will have a rather sizable excuse for not repeating. A seven-foot excuse, to be exact.  And that brings us to everyone’s favorite Celtic cheerleader, Kevin Garnett.

Perhaps the hottest topic on message boards and blogs in the New England area this week is the miraculous, superhero-like return of KG, to rescue the under-manned Beantown squad and lead them to their 19^th NBA title.  Doc Rivers, tired of the endless inquiries, likened the rumors of Garnett’s return to “Bigfoot sightings.”  Whether he puts on a uniform or not this post season, I for one have already seen enough of “The Big Ticket” and his antics.

After winning the NBA Championship last year, Garnett screamed to the heavens, “Anything is possible!”  The now infamous statement signified the suburban-sized monkey that had been lifted from KG’s back.  It took until this year’s playoffs however, for Kevin to show us just how much truly is possible.

Never did I think I would see a player in street clothes become the most hated man in a series.  I also didn’t think a super star in a league that struggles with its image would be allowed to drop 35 “F bombs” every time they put his mug on tv.  Sure, anything is possible, but is this guy serious??  After every Rondo steal, every Allen or Pierce impossibly clutch basket we have to watch this clown do his best Derek Zoolander impression.   Sticking his chin out and holding a pose, only to follow with a barrage of expletives aimed apparently at the opposing team’s bench, fans, mothers, children, and any other unfortunate soul in earshot.  To quote Tony Montana, “Take it easy.”

Garnett is not the only guilty party in this assault on wholesome entertainment.  The question must be asked, why the hell is he on camera so much?  Are TNT and ESPN cameramen given a quota of KG shots that they must produce or be flogged?  When Ray Allen hit the game-tying three pointer in game six of the Chicago series, why are we watching someone who isn’t playing jump around and curse? It is comparable to the gratuitous and redundant camera cuts to the parents of the star player on the Cinderella team during the NCAA tournament.  At least in that case, CBS is trying to promote a positive image of its game and its competitors.  I am unsure what message the NBA and its TV partners are trying to get across.  Here’s an idea: instead of showing him during the game TNT could save its footage of KG to splice with its head scratching “Wolverine” movie preview/playoffs promo that we are forced to watch every time they come back from commercial. That would make sense, he does look and sound like a wild animal.

Of course, none of this behavior should really come as a surprise to anyone who has watched Garnett throughout his career.  This is the same player who routinely gets into one-way staring and swearing contests with the padding that covers the bottom of the basket.  KG is also known for his habit of turning away shots taken by the opposition after the whistle.  I am still waiting for the day that someone throws up a shot after the play and delivers an elbow into Garnett’s ribs as he childishly attempts to send the ball into the stands.  Fifteen, 20 years ago in the association, Garnett would have learned early in his career that that sort of behavior is unacceptable, and he would have the scars to remind him.

I have heard many a pundit characterize Garnett’s behavior as an expression of his intensity, and praise him for his passion and desire.  That is a bunch of bologna.  Many players have passion.  When the stakes are as high as they are in the NBA playoffs, no one needs any extra motivation, and every player is fired up and determined to win.  Yet no one behaves in the immature and offensive way that KG does.  His act is tired, it is classless and it is inappropriate.  Here’s hoping that the Magic do away with the Celtics quickly and spare us all having to watch any more of this garbage.  I guess Garnett will have to wait until next year to show everyone what else is possible.

Matt Venuto was forced into the writing business when those close to him held an intervention and demanded that he find an outlet for his endless opinions and ranting, because, frankly, they were tired of listening to him. Matt is a USC alumnus and majored in psychology in an attempt to figure out why everyone around him was nuts.  He failed in his endeavor.  Like Hootie and the Blowfish, the Dolphins make him cry and he doesn’t understand why more people don’t find Kevin Garnett extremely annoying.  Calm down Kevin, please.

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