It was a clear but brisk Saturday afternoon and it was my first ever pee wee football game.  The kick was a good kick, compared to pee wee standards and the pigskin soared right in to my arms and my football career was launched with a potential kick return.  I darted up the field, though my mother recounts it as stumbled up the field looking as if I was just learning how to shuffle my feet. 

Before I knew it, I was in the clear and heading down the sidelines as my team and coach encouraged me with shouts of adulation.  Crossing the end line, I threw my hands up in the air and let the ball drop to the painted end zone and my football career and most assuredly my life changed forever.

To this day, I don’t know if it was the long kickoff run or the adult-sized mouth guard I was forced to wear, but something restricted the flow of oxygen to my brain causing me to be overcome by my touchdown accomplishment.  There in front of everyone and my family, I broke into a touchdown celebration dance and it was not pretty.  Described as a cross between a drunken mental patient doing the hokey-pokey and a chubby boy swatting away a swarm of bees, the dance ended in tragedy when I accomplished the feat that escaped the other team, which was tackling me.  

After my efforts to master the touchdown celebration, my coach informed me of his latest discovery, “After seeing your touchdown celebration, I am confident you are suppose to be a lineman.”  Thus, ending my career as the next great touchdown-scoring machine.

Some would think I would favor the touchdown celebration ban in college football so it doesn’t rob the world of another big-time scoring machine, but I am anti-the-celebration-ban.

Granted, a menial 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty would never cost a team a game.   But what if the quarterback, with only a couple seconds left in the game, scrambles for a touchdown and caught in the celebratory moment, he throws the ball in the air.  I would hate to see the team miss a now 20-yard extra point for their only chance at a win this season and possibly leading to the firing of a good coach.

Now I know that would never happen, but it could under this black-and-white celebration ban rule.

What is the competition committee trying to protect?  Do they think that some team is crazy enough to send all their guys, even the ones who have never stepped foot in any game, to the end zone to celebrate a touchdown over a rival?  Don’t be ridiculous that will never happen.

Why not just adjust the rules to incorporate everything that is college. 

1.     No one parties alone, but not everyone is invited to the party.

End zone celebrations cannot be with just one person, but not everyone on the team can participate in the celebration or that is a penalty.

2.     Parties happen every day of the week. 

Celebrations can happen for any reason; a sack, a tackle, a field goal, a pancake, etc.

3.     Whether you studied or not you still have to take the test.

If you happen to do something outstanding that deserves a dance, you must do a dance or you will be penalized.

4.     College is for trying something new.

You are not able to do a duplicate celebratory dance, or you will be penalized for lack of creativity.

5.     All parties should involve cute coeds.

I guess this is pretty self-explanatory.

Celebrating your accomplishments is the way of life.  It is the American way, and should be allowed not just in all sports, but also in all life.  I encourage everyone to have celebratory moments for your small and great accomplishments.  And now I will do my celebration dance for completing this article … Ah, I think I pulled a hammy!

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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team.Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism.J.David points to Flutie’s Hail Mary as the birth of his love for college football, and Lloyd Carr’s tenure at Michigan as the beginning of his love of strong drink.

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