It was April 25, 2009, and Jets fans filled the Radio City Music Hall in New York City with boos as their team traded up to acquire Mark Sanchez. The drafting of Sanchez was not a bad move and the Jets fans didn’t necessarily disagree with the move, but they boo because that is what they do.
Day 1: 0-0, 0 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs
Sanchez #6 jersey sells at record pace but only to women and dudes with man crushes.
Week 1: 18-31, 272 yards, 1 TDs, 1 INTs (WIN – @Houston)
The win gives quiet optimism to the Jets fans but most remain levelheaded because it was Houston and they are awful. The word “Sanchize” is trademarked.
Week 2: 14-22, 163 yards, 1 TDs, 0 INTs (WIN – New England)
Sanchez #6 jersey triples in sales as the Jets fan party in the street because they finally beat the New England Patriots. Could this be the year of the green machine? Diehards begin getting “Viva la Sanchez” tattoos and naming their sons (and daughters), Marc – they still don’t have a handle on the name thing. New York kids ask their parents what a “Dirty Sanchez” is and it quickly becomes the #1 selling costume in NYC as scores of children want to be one for Halloween.
Grown men begin to fantasize about what it would be like to see Sanchez kissing Suzy Kolber.
Week 3: 17-30, 171 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INTs (WIN – Tennessee)
New York SanChurchez pop up everywhere and are dedicated to worshipping the young quarterback. Fans and people alike begin to refer to him as the “Messiah,” “Chosen One,” “The One Who Walks On Water,” “Broadway Joe 2.0” and “That Quarterback Guy.” New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, gives Sanchez the key to the city, but Sanchez decides to take the whole city instead.
Women throw their bras and panties at him as he strolls down Madison Avenue and dudes throw encrusted whitey tighties at him while he window shops at Avenue B near East Seventh Street.
Week 4: 14-27, 138 yards, 0 TDs, 3 INTs (LOSS – @New Orleans)
Just when the belief in Sanchez was at its highest, all hell breaks loose at the Louisiana Superdome when the New Orleans Saints make Sanchez look like … a rookie. Burning effigies can be seen throughout New York City and Sanchez flees to Southern California for safety. He dons the cardinal and gold once again and shows up at USC practice acting like nothing ever happened.
Jets fans take to the streets to loot and riot because they feel betrayed by the aberration of an all-world quarterback. They are crushed once again believing they have been lied to and made to look like fools … Err, more foolish.
Week 5: 12-24, 172 yards, 1 TDs, 0 INTs (LOSS – @Miami)
Parents who named their children after Sanchez are disgusted and throw their babies out. Jets fan begin drinking heavily again and all talk moves to next year and the hopes of getting Colt McCoy or Sam Bradford to fill their desperate need at quarterback.
* * * * * *
Ahhhhhh, Jets fans . . . relax, take your meds. He is a rookie quarterback. What did you expect?
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J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team. Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism. J.David points to watching Barry Sanders catlike moves as the birth of his love for the NFL, and LT’s hit on Joe Theisman as the last day he ever wanted to play quarterback.
Related posts:
- ⊚ Where the Dirty Sanchez Lands
- ⊚ The Out-Route That Changed A Legacy Forever
- ⊚ NFL Preview Week 4 – AFC East
- ⊚ Hello and Good-Bye Mark Sanchez
- ⊚ Steelers Fans Plan Sunday Celebration
I’m sure you saw this coming. Pretty funny and accurate stuff. I was on of the early Sanchez jersey purchasers. I was nothing short of ecstatic on draft day because I believed fully in Sanchez being the franchise before he even through an NFL pass. Week 1-4 all make sense. Week 5 is way off. Sanchez’s #s may not have been spectacular, but he did more than enough to win that game and few Jets fans that I know of had anything negative to say about his performance in that game. Had the D made one stop after Sanchez twice led the O to a fourth quarter go ahead score the Jets would be 4-1 instead of 3-2. I know its supposed to be humorous but most humor has at least a little basis in fact and there isn’t any in you week 5 stuff.