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The Sports Union’s NFL Divisional Playoff Predictions

The Sports Union got so many hits on our site after last week’s Wild Card Picks, so we had to ask Kevin Patra and J.David to do it again.  Last week Patra went 3-1, while J.David was 2-2, proving once again that Patra should change his first name to “Cleo” and start his own soothsaying booth.  No doubt J.David will make his move in the Divisional Round, as he has spent his time researching every team in beautiful Southern California while Patra spent the last three weeks destroying and freezing his brain cells in the Midwest.

 

Baltimore at Tennessee

Baltimore RavensTennessee Titans

Kevin Patra – Should I take the tough defensive team with the grind it out running attack and game managing quarterback or the tough defensive team with the grind it out running attack and game managing quarterback?  Do I want the rookie quarterback or the rookie running back?  All signs point to the Tennessee winning this game:  The game is at home; it’s already beaten the opposing team once this year; the other team is starting a rookie quarterback on the road.  My mind is saying to take the fourteen dollars left to my name and plop it confidently on the Titans, but my heart is terrified of the Raven’s defense.  I realize that they played an overmatched and probably overrated Dolphins team last week and I shouldn’t be over-hyping them, but aside from Chris Johnson (who gained a meager 44 yards in their last meeting) nothing on the Titans offense scares me.  Even though the Raven’s are starting a rookie quarterback on the road against a good defense I’m going to go against my own rules and take them in a squeaker.  BALTIMORE 13 – TENNESSEE 10

J.David - “This game was one for the ages as the Titans beat the Ravens 5-2 in a pitching duel in a rain-shortened eight innings.” I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the announcers use that line at least 100 times during Saturday’s game.  Unfortunately, they are going to be right as this game is going to be a defensive struggle leaving both offenses in a bugaboo.  Each team will score a defensive touchdown and both quarterbacks, the rookie Joe Flacco and Joe Paterno’s first recruit Kerry Collins, will be ineffective at producing long drives.  The two-headed monster at running back for the Titans, the original “Smash and Dash” LenDale White and Chris Johnson, will be the difference combining for just over 100 yards against the stingy Ravens’ defense.  Jeff Fisher will coach circles around the rookie-coach Jon Harbaugh, and the only “Music City Miracle” will be if fans can make it through this game without the aid of alcohol.  TENNESSEE 20 – BALTIMORE 14

Arizona at Carolina

Arizona CardinalsCarolina Panthers

Kevin Patra – I’ll spare you the “cat eats the bird” routine and just tell you that the Panthers will win this game.  Usually I’ll bury my lead, but for this game I’m just going to be straight with you.  All week the pundits have harped about how bad Arizona is when traveling east, and about how Anquan Boldin is banged upped.  Usually when a consensus is made so thoroughly about a team I will go the exact opposite way.  Nothing juices up NFL guys more than hearing from SportsCenter over and over how they are going to get smoked.  However, the Panthers will be too much for Arizona.  They will control the clock with the running game keeping Warner and his sticky-handed friends on the sidelines, and will make enough defensive stops on third downs to frustrate the Cardinal offense.  Oh did I mention that this game is in North Carolina?  CAROLINA 27 – ARIZONA 20

J.David – You would think that a playoff game with a multi-year NFL MVP, Kurt Warner, on one sideline and arguably the most electrifying receiver in the game on the opposing, Steve Smith, would point to an offensive outburst of epic proportions.  With all that cheese being spread, I am perplexed at why this game is such a “yawner” to me.  The Cardinals have the advantage at the quarterback position as Jake Delhomme looks like a mirage of his former self and Kurt Warner still looks like the golden boy slinging toilet rolls around the local Hy-Vee.  The counterfeit “Smash and Dash” from Carolina will be held in check by the run-stopping defense of Arizona.  Without a running game, Delhomme will take to the air and pace with Warner until two costly picks late in the game gives the game to the Cardinals.  ARIZONA 34 – CAROLINA 31

Philadelphia at New York

Philadelphia EaglesNew York Giants

Kevin Patra – Philadelphia won at New York in week fourteen.  It was an impressive must win game on the road against the best team in the league.  Now it is supposed to mean they can do it again.  Ummmm except that that week was directly after the Cheddar Bob-rress fiasco, Brandon Jacobs left the game in the third quarter (down only three), and the Giants knew they’d wrap up the Division with a one Dallas loss (like the Cowboys would win four in a row, do you know who their coach is?).  Now they have adjusted to life without their 6’5″ gunman, Jacobs is back and had a week off to rest, and the Eagles defense is still nursing bruises given out by Adrian Peterson last week (I am contractually obligated by my fantasy league to mention AP at least once in every post).  Even if I convince myself that Donovan McNabb can play cold weather games and perform in the west coast offense that was built for umm… umm…umm…west coast weather, I still hate this match-up for the Eagles.  They rely too much on the fragile Brian Westbrook in big games.  The odds of him going off on the Giants like he did on December 7 are about as good Lions owner Bill Ford Sr. making a good football decision.  Why is it that we are supposed to only remember the last game these two teams played and not the one they played four weeks earlier in Philly?  Remember that game, where Westbrook had a grand total of 59 yards and was actually out rushed by his own quarterback?  I’ll take Lil’ Manning and his crew to win the rubber match.  NEW YORK 34 – PHILADELPHIA 28

J.David – Everyone should watch this game because one of these teams could be the 2009 Super Bowl Champions-just like all the other teams who haven’t been eliminated yet.  The New York area weathermen predicted inclement weather and a Giants’ victory; and the weathermen go 1-for-2 as the snow covers the field.  Little Manning tries to carry the team without Plaxico Burress providing a shot-in-the-arm to the offense.  By the fourth quarter the only thing the Giant fans will wonder is if Burress is hobbling the sidelines.  Donovan McNabb continues to lead the destiny-driven Eagles toward the Mecca as his 4-touchdown performance trounces the G-men.  The hype of this game quickly fizzles, giving the sensitive New York fans of Kohen’s Pub exactly what they wanted … more reasons to complain!  PHILADELPHIA 42 – NEW YORK 14

San Diego at Pittsburgh

San Diego ChargersPittsburgh Steelers

Kevin Patra – First I’ll give you the real reason I’m picking against the Chargers.  Last week I picked against them, and then watched as superstar punter Mike Scifres single-footedly ended MVP Peyton Manning’s season.  During the game I realized how much I like watching the Chargers play.  I never realized it before but every time I’m in a bar with multiple screens I always ended up watching their game (what you thought I’d watch the Lions?).  I had initially thought it was just to see LaDainian Tomlinson, but now it can’t be just that.  Maybe it’s the helmets, maybe it’s the smoking hot cheerleaders, or maybe it’s because Darren Sproles makes me feel like us shorter people can contribute positively to society.  Now I want to watch them, and I hope they continue to move through the playoffs.  Knowing this I cannot in good conscience pick the to win.  Not this game.  Not any game beyond.  Last week they were the only game I failed to predict correctly.  When that happens and you actually felt decently happy about it afterwards there is something wrong.  I will continue to pick against them so there are no jinx-rule possibilities-yes you just saw through my win-win situation ploy.  Now the justification for my real reason: Pittsburgh’s defense will actually pressure the quarterback, unlike last weekend when I’m pretty sure on several occasions I saw Rivers drop back to pass pound a beer and crush the can on his helmet frat-boy style before making his throw.  Also, Pittsburgh will be fully prepared for Sproles-please throw out the “he did nothing against them last time” argument though; he barely played last time, didn’t even return all the kick and had one carry-which it is pretty evident the Colts forgot to do in practice.  Also, even Scifres will be affected by the cold and there is no chance he can live up to all the hype he’s gotten, and when those good punts just happen to sneak over the goal line for touchbacks-like the odds makers would tell you they would a majority of the time-he is going to feel the heat, figuratively speaking. And lets be honest, except those of you who grew up on playgrounds in Upper Canada, no one likes kicking frozen balls.  PITTSBURGH 17 – SAN DIEGO 15

J.David - And then God said, “A kicker shall lead them.” Not really, but Darren Sproles is making me a believer in midg…errr, little people.   Sproles, whose head barely crests the shallow end of my elementary pool, cannot hide this week behind the ginormus Charger offensive line, and is no where near as effective as last week.  And in the second quarter the game will be momentarily delayed as team doctors search for Sproles in the hair of Troy Polamalu after a vicious hit.  Big Ben Roethlisberger dusts the cobwebs from within his head and takes advantage of the Charger defense leaving the Charger offense playing desperate catch up football.  No fourth quarter heroics for Philip Rivers as he struggles all day throwing three interceptions, leaving Charger fans pining for Eli Manning.  Steelers put an end to the over-achieving under-achievers in convincing fashion.  Side note:  Mike Scifres has two punts blocked and shanks two out of the end zone removing all questions to whether this guy sold his soul to the devil.  PITTSBURGH 31 – SAN DIEGO 13

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kevin-patraKevin Patra lives by the adage: Those who can’t do, teach, and those who don’t want to teach, write.  Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying Online Journalism, after spending four years at the University of Michigan obtaining a bachelors degree in useless fun. Patra grew up watching the Honolulu Blue and Silver every weekend, so he is an expert on what football is not supposed to look like.


J.David

J.David has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team.  Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called, Print Journalism.  J.David points to watching Barry Sanders catlike moves as the birth of his love for the NFL, and LT’s hit on Joe Theisman as the last day he ever wanted to play quarterback.

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Discussion

One comment for “The Sports Union’s NFL Divisional Playoff Predictions”

  1. Steelers win the Superbowl!!!

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    Posted by Steve Casteel | January 10, 2009, 9:57 am

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