We are taking the weekly headlines and giving them a Michigan spin, and by Michigan I mean Metro Detroit. I refuse to publicize or support the White Flight babies who reside in the western side of Michigan–mainly because a good portion of the traitors are Notre Dame fans.
Richard Hamilton, Ben Gordon hope friendly competition takes Pistons to next level
Isn’t it cute when veteran players making $10 million a year have to hope their “friendly” competition will bring about victories. The Connecticut ties between Hamilton and Grodon are going to be shoved down our throats all year, but if you don’t think Rip’s “attitude” when competing against Gordon isn’t a resentment over the signing, you haven’t been watching Rip post-2004. I can’t wait for the first time Rip is benched down the stretch in favor of Gordon because Ben is going off and the Piston’s can’t go small. I just hope someone asks him how it feels to be benched in favor of a fellow Connecticut Huskie.
The Following four headlines are the lead on mgoblue.com:
Monday Football Press Conference
Ice Hockey Pulls Away From Windsor for Exhibition Win
Men’s Soccer Opens Big Ten Home Slate With Win Over Wisconsin
Mahtani, Muresan Capture Women’s Tennis Wins at Wolverine Invite
Congratulations to Michgan’s PR department for burying the story about Saturday’s loss to Michigan State as fast as possible. It wasn’t even in leading for a full 24 hours. Similarly, last November Fox News ran coverage about Barak Obama’s historic presidential election for twelve minutes before launching a campaign against socialists from Kenya who charge taxes on consumers who eat babies with hand-whittled chopsticks. And yes, I just compared MGoBlue.com to Fox News (they can’t take away my degree for that can they?).
Panthers waste little time in mauling Chargers
Speaking of bad journalistic practices, I submit to you a story few will care about. The fact that the story is regarding my former high school (R.U. High(?)) is beside the matter. What makes this atrocious is that the losing coach in the lopsided victory actually teaches as R.U. and coached there last season. Really? You write an entire story and don’t once mention that fact? If you want evidence that journalism is decline at a rate faster than Michael Richards’ stand-up career look no further than these crappy news outlets who wouldn’t know a good story if it whipped its private parts out and slapped it across their face. Wouldn’t a “Homecoming” theme profiling the coach who is playing agaisnt the very kids he teaches and coached last year be a better story? I get it though, you are just trying to plug along and do your job with as little effort and skill as possible.
Quarterback Matthew Stafford injured late in Lions’ 48-24 loss to Bears
This is what we all worried about. You give a guy a $41 million guaranteed contract then throw him behind an offensive line as solid as a Native American Dreamcatcher and he is bound to get injured. The injury didn’t look that serious, as Stafford was smiling on the sidelines after–it turns out he had put half of his $41 million on the Bears covering the spread. On the bright side Joey Harrington never got seriously injured and we know how that turned out, so perhaps this is just the first step in Stafford being the complete anti-Harrington.
Sure they started 0-2 and looked about as good as the overweight girl who constantly has hard nipples, but really are you worried? I mentioned the other day on The Pump Fake podcast that there are only three cities that care about hockey in October: Pittsburgh, Toronto and Detroit. But Red Wings fans know that even if they sent out their AAA squad half the season they’d still make the playoffs and then it’s anyones game. Home ice means so little in the NHL its not even worth fretting over regular season games. Especially when you are old and decrepit like the Wings. Here are the ages of those who took the ice the previous game against the St. Louis Blues:
J. Abdelkader: 22; T. Bertuzzi: 34; D. Cleary 30; P. Datsyuk 31;K. Draper 38; J. Ericsson 25; V. Filppula 25; J. Franzen 29; T. Holmstrom 36; N. Kronwall 28; B. Lebda 27; V. Leino 25; N. Lidstrom 39; K. Maltby 36; B. Rafalski 36; B. Stuart 29D J. Williams 29 H. Zetterberg 28
When 8 out of 18 players are over 30 it doesn’t bode well for the painfully long NHL season. Although what am I complaining about, without Chris Chelios on the roster the average age probably went down like 50 years.
Justin Verlander Saves the day — for another day
Wait didn’t every member of ESPN’s Baseball Tonight crew say the Tigers had wrapped this up last week after they beat Minnesota on Wednesday? So what you are telling me is that analysts who get things wrong can get paid millions of dollars then just shrug when those predictions turn out to be not true? Well I’ve got the being wrong and shrugging thing down, where is my million dollars? (You see how I avoided talking about the Tigers’ collapse and subsequent playoff game with Minnesota on Tuesday because I might have to slit my wrist if I think about it too much longer.)
Zoltan Mesko says ‘gap closed very quickly’ on fake punt
Funny, I would have thought being a punter that Zoltan had many “gaps” close on him quickly. Let’s be honest no girl says, “Yeah I really want to hook up with the punter,” even if your name is Zoltan. That was by far the dumbest play he could have made. In the end the Wolverines moved back 13 yards to try and gain 5-inches–good damn thing that wasn’t the play called by the coaches.
In order to consoule myself after Michigan’s loss Saturday to “Little Brother”:
Top NFL players from Michigan State:
Plaxico Burress: shot self in leg; serving time in jail.
Charles Rodgers: out of league; DUI; in jail
Flozell Adams: worst offensive lineman for mediocre Cowboys team; best move is tripping defenders as they blow by him.
Drew Stanton: couldn’t play for 0-16 team
T.J. Duckett: couldn’t play for Lions
Julian Peterson: plays for the Lions
Derrick Mason: old (but makes plays)
Muhsin Muhammad: makes Jake Delhomme look bad
(I will admit the last three are respectable)
Top NFL Players from Michigan:
Tom Brady: Multiple Superbowl MVPs
Jake Long: 1st overall selection and rookie Pro-Bowl selection
Steve Breaston: third receiver in pass-happy Arizona
David Harris: one of the stars of resurgent New York Jets defense.
Chadd Henne: Lead Dolphins to first win of season as starter
Steve Hutchinson: 6-time pro-bowl guard.
Charles Woodson: Intercepted Carson Palmer twice in Week 2.
LaMarr Woodley: Wins Super Bowls
…I could go on, but I’m feeling pretty good now.
Related posts:
- ⊚ Michigan Mondays*: Tigers Best Turd on Crap Heap
- ⊚ Five Reasons Michigan State Can Win It All
- ⊚ Michigan State Drinkonomics
- ⊚ Headlines from around the Sporting World
- ⊚ Sports Headlines without the Bull
Discussion
No comments for “Michigan Mondays: Headlines from around the Great Lakes State”