28 points, 17 rebounds, 2 assists, 1 block

The above stat line taken from the Los Angeles Lakers vs. Cleveland Cavaliers can be attributed to:  A) LeBron James  B) Kobe Bryant C) Pau Gasol D) Mo Williams

….Correct, secret answer E) Lamar Odom

What was billed by everyone–yours truly included–as a showdown between the NBA’s top two players turned into everything but a mono-a-mono heavyweight fistfight.

Kobe Bryant was allegedly sick and threw-up before the game, and LeBon James’ jump shot just looked sick every time he threw it up.

The way these two superstars played, would it surprise anyone if we later found out that they spent Saturday night partying at LeBrons’ mansion Kwame Kilpatrick-style?  It sure seemed like both had wicked hangovers.

However, the two best teams in the league both  showed why they aren’t just one-man-bands.

In the first half the Cavs were led by Mo Williams who tallied 17 points before the break–11 in the second quarter alone–helping Cleveland to a 61-51 halftime lead.  Williams was miffed because for a second time in a week he was left out of next weekend’s All-Star game. He played like it in the first half.  However, he must have gotten over his frustration during half time because he managed to get only 2 points the rest of the game.  Or it could have been getting kicked in the face by Kobe right before the break.  Williams had stripped Bryant and inadvertently got whacked in the face by Kobe’s shoe, before he took the ball the other way for an awkward lay-up.   “I was trying to dunk it but he kicked me in the face and I couldn’t see right,” said Williams right after the half.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas led the Cavs in scoring for the game with 22 points, and the masked-wonder Wally Szczerbiak was 4-of-4 from behind the arc for 16 points–does anyone have word on why the mask he wore to protect a broken nose was 2 inches too long? Other than the fact that he has always wanted to be Woody Woodpecker?

The second half was the Lamar “Oh, I remember how to play now” Odom show.  Not only did Odom pick up the slack for the “under the weather” Kobe, he made the Cavs’ big men seriously question their manhood.  Several times in the third quarter Odom simply jumped over/around defenders for easy rebounds and dunks–I think J.J. Hickson is still looking for his jockstrap somewhere, psst psst J.J. psst check the lost and found in the lady’s room near section 33.

Odom had a double-double in the third quarter alone, 15 points and 10 rebound. For those of us who picked him up in the beginning of the fantasy basketball seasons in hopes he would get traded to some scrub team–aka the Memphis Grizzlies–and score a boatload, this was a welcome sign.  It’s also a relief for the Lakers who had to be wondering who would be an interior force now that Andrew Bynum is out for 8 weeks (and after trading the 6’10 Vladimir Radmanovic to Charlotte for Mustache Man and another underachieving guy named Brown; can someone please explain that trade for me.  A salary dump when you just lost your best big man? Really? You’d rather go with Chris Mihm? Really?)

It’s not that this game was totally devoid of jaw dropping moments from the superstars. Kobe’s fadeaway rainbow in LeBron’s eye with 2:52 left is the example first that comes to mind; mainly because it’s when I declared “ball game,” to the detest of some around me.

Yet after all the hype, all the MVP discussions, all the “who had the better game at MSG” chatter, the game was a dud, and the head-to-head match-up was more tell than show.

Perhaps Kobe was really sick.  Perhaps the Lakers defense figured out LeBron, and forced him to miss all those off balance drives he usually scores on.

Or perhaps, they like each other a little too much.  Neither seemed to have that “I’m going to murder you” mentality we’ve seen from other superstars–Jordan, Magic, Bird–and the half-time interview they did together made them seem closer to Sanford and Son than Tupac and Biggie.   They don’t need to hate each other and get into gun battles off the court, but a little on-court hatred would be nice every once in a while.  It’s one thing to respect someone and another thing to let that respect lower your aggression during the game.

If you are in the business of arguing who had the better game, Kobe (19 points, 3 rebounds, 2 assists) or LeBron (16 points, 8 rebounds, 12 assists) you could go in circles for days.

But if before the game you put money on Lamar Odom being the biggest story, do yourself a favor and go to Vegas and bet a million dollars on Red 7.

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Kevin Patra lives by the adage: Those who can’t do, teach, and those who can’t do or teach, write.  Currently, he is a graduate student at the University of Southern California studying Online Journalism, after spending four years at the University of Michigan obtaining a bachelors degree from the school of Language, Science, & Fun.  Patra still owns a teal Grant Hill jersey and is looking for his old FILA basketball shoes.

Related posts:

1. ⊚  What Christmas Day at the Laker/Celtics Game Taught Me
2. ⊚  Ben Wallace adds to his rebound total
3. ⊚  Lakers’ Bynum Cursed by Memphis
4. ⊚  All-Star Mistake
5. ⊚  72 wins possible, but unlikely